Baby Fever

Ok so I have known for years that I have wanted a baby but have just been waiting for the right time. Now I know what you are thinking the time is never right. Which I am sure is totally true but what I have been experiencing is that sometimes you know when the time is right without it being the perfect right. I am sure there is someone out there that knows what I am taking about. Even if its not right it becomes right.

Somehow I seem to have caught the baby fever by looking at my friends baby. I have been feeling more and more ready but now it seems so real. I know deep inside that I am ready to have a baby. I am ready for it to be about someone else. I am ready for the joy and sacrifice. I am definitely ready. I do want to do it right though. I want to be healthy and fit for my baby. I want to teach my baby how to live a healthy lifestyle. Share the tools I have learned. It's a very exciting feeling and time. Ok no I am not pregnant yet. Don't get too excited. But in the near future it's a possibility. Did your first baby change your life?

P.S.

You should take a look at this blog that i found while i was going crazy and googling baby fever to see if this whole thing was real or if I had just completely lost my mind. When you read it pay extra attention to the first comment.

http://blogs.babycenter.com/mom_stories/i-want-a-baby-now/

Why bad things happen to good people

“Few things in the world are more powerful than a positive push - a smile. A word of optimism and hope, a 'you can do it!' when things are tough”

- Richard M Devos

Is it really why these things happen to good people or should we rephrase it by saying why bad things happen to strong people? When I think about it I am not really even sure which things to call bad and which things to be thankful for. I do believe whatever happens in our life has a purpose. Did my back start hurting me to punish me or did it start hurting to open my eyes to a whole another world out there? A world where people suffer everyday for the rest of there life in chronic pain. Come to find out back pain in one of the biggest complaints and problems people deal with on a day to day basis. It is a problem where most doctors or medical professionals are unsure of the cause but they are all very willing to give you a prescription which will bring you down a whole another road you will wish you had never gone down in the first place unless you are very strict on how much and how long you take them. Ok so now I am probably starting to ramble. 

Last night I was really starting to see how hard it gets when you can't do things and are struggling with constant pain. You basically start to fall into a state of depression. Yes even me who promotes how strong the mind is struggle. Just because the mind is so very powerful doesn't mean it's easy to tap into its powers. Can the mind take you into a whole another world where you don't feel the pain anymore? Yes it can and yes without using drugs. But in order to become so in tune with your mind and body like this you have to practice. And when you are falling into a deep state of depression do you have any desire to do anything anymore? No not really which means its very easy to come up with an excuse. 

Tonight I went to a group acupuncture and guided meditation class. Sometimes when you are struggling to do something alone you need to find support from others. Today I have found some relief. Doesn't mean it's gone but it means its better enough that it gives me hope. Hope and belief that things will work out is what keeps you moving forward. 

Seeing The Other Side

“The struggle you’re in today is developing the strength you need for tomorrow.”

~Robert Tew

So being a medical professional myself and experiencing being the patient I can see where our problem lies. There is no education or really even attempting to help people how to get better. When you go to a doctor it seems all they have to offer is a referral and prescription. Now don't get me wrong I am sure there are a very select few out there who are actually helpful. Trying to find them on the other hand seems to be a very challenging task.

For the last month I have been experiencing back pain. I have pulled my back out before but this instance it just feels different. Don't know what that means but I know I haven't been getting any better. It has been about 3 weeks since I lifted any weight or really worked out other then walking. It gets a little better then I go to the hospital to work and being me I pull something again. Its just how I am if something needs to get done if a patient needs something right then right now I am going to find a way to do it. That is my job. That is why I am a nurse. I can't really be trusted to pass the buck. Maybe that is something I need to learn how to do but its hard. I am very passionate about my job. I enjoy being good at something. Just like working out. I miss it more then I can say. It helps me relieve stress, feel good, and gain accomplishments.

But right now I guess I am trying to accomplish something completely different. In order to get better it seems you have to take matters into your own hands. Now taking short leave from work to focus on getting better was definitely one of the hardest things I have done. I am determined to find a way to come back healthy and pain free. This is my focus. This is my goal. The time is now.

Now for any of you out there who struggle with chronic pain. Don't give up. It would be so easy just to curl up in bed and fall into a state of depression. You have to keep moving. You have to keep faith that everything will workout and you will find a way to conquer or at least deal with the pain you experience day in and day out. There are things that can be done even if it is all in your mind learning how to deal with this pain. The more you focus on the pain the more it hurts. You have to have control over your thoughts. Your thoughts and your actions determine your life.

Finding the Way

Sitting on the sidelines

Challenges are what make life interesting and overcoming them is what makes life meaningful. 

–Joshua J. Marine

I can't even begin to say how awesome I have been feeling the last couple days preparing my own food. It makes such a difference and I have been so burnt out that I kind of forgot about it.

This was my breakfast yesterday morning. Actually I can say I am getting a little better at this cooking thing and beginning to find some enjoyment in it. Well as long as Its not too much at a time. At that point it becomes very stressful and I become not very nice. 

Yes my dog likes healthy food too! :)

Last night I went out to watch my softball team play. I am definitely going crazy inside and ready to get back to my routine but I know my body is talking and it needs more rest. Trying to drive to the game I felt such tremendous pain in my lower back and hip that I was about to turn around when suddenly traffic got a little better. I am listening to my body and if I do things right I will come back better and smarter then before. Staying strong!

I Remember....

"If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten."

 –Tony Robbins

My husband recently found a picture of me when we lived in Tampa Florida probably back in 2005-2006. I guess what keeps me going is remembering where I was and how far I have come. I will never forget. The day I do is the day I become that person again.

Wow!! I do look happy well probably cause I have some wonderful looking drinks in my hand. Alcohol makes you feel better temporarily but is definitely not the answer to your problems.

This morning I prepared my food. Now the key is to have chicken cooked already at the very least if not all the food prepared. I have been doing this long enough that I know the routine. But at times I get lazy or I think tired is a better word. 

I am very happy with myself cause I have been a little burnt out lately and couldn't get myself to bring my food to work. The problem is if you don't have your own food you will have to rely on what's around you and it may not always be the best option. The key is at first is just focus in eating good healthy food. Then as time goes on adjust the portion size and how often. Depends in how much you can handle. The key is to pay attention to how foods make you feel. If you don't feel good after chances are it may not be the best food choice for you or possibly you are too much of it. Small frequent meals are the key with lots of water. I like drinking herbal teas to mix things up because I am not much of a water fan except coconut water which breaks the pocket book.

Day two...the normal life

"Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value."

-  Albert Einstein

Ha ha when you say normal life. What is that really? Ok so maybe it's better to say majority. Since I have been injured I have been experiencing a life I am not really used to. Getting off work at 3:30pm. Coming home relaxing a bit. Then making dinner with a little walk after. Now experiencing this is hard to see how to have this life and the life where you hit the gym for 1-2 hours a day. No wonder everybody has a hard time. I used to feel like I had no time by the time you get off work come home for maybe an hour then it's time to hit a class at the gym and at that point it's time for bed. Now don't get me wrong it seems it must be very feasible to do both it's all about managing time and priorities. I am definitely looking forward to getting back to the gym so much but this time maybe with a little different outlook. In a little over a year I plan in trying to have a baby. Wow won't that be an experience. It is an experience I have been planning and I am ready and very excited for. :)

Today was one of the hardest days at the hospital. I was planning on giving hot yoga a shot but after straining my back again with a very difficult procedure I decided it should wait until tomorrow. I came home, Iced my back and was so tired I thought I was out for the duration. But then got my second wind and fixed dinner for me and my husband.

Baked rockfish with lemon pepper seasoning. Spaghetti squash with a garlic butter sauce and herbs from provence spices. And left over veggies from yesterday with broccoli, kale and spinach.

Completed with a glass of wine. Yes wine in small amounts I don't believe is bad at all actually healthy depending on who you ask. Antioxidants right? ;) everything in moderation and the more you workout the more flexibility you have. This week I will be going to the doctor and physical therapist in hopes to gain some improvement in my back so I can workout again. I have accepted that I might not be as lean by the time I am healed but my goal is to do the best I can. Eating as healthy as possible and doing the exercises I can do. It's awesome to still have people tell me I inspire them and I am the kinda person they inspire to be in fitness and in life. If we are inspired by something and have somebody to look up to it helps drive us further in our own accomplishments. 

Where to go from here...the journey continued

“Peace of mind, attained only through self-satisfaction and knowing you made the effort to do the best that you are capable.”

- John Wooden's Definition of Success

Today is Day 1 again on my journey to living a healthy life. You might be thinking right now...what does this mean? Well this journey to health and happiness is kind of like a roller coaster. Or I should say that is life. Life brings ups and downs, trials and errors, and failure's and successes. For the past year I have been struggling with the ups and downs of sports injuries. Could be that one stems from the next but the truth of the matter is you don't really know what is going on inside of the body without a lot of investigation. For the past 2 weeks I have been dealing with back pain causing me to not to be able to workout like I am used to. My exercise routine has been consisting of walking about 5 days a week. I do enjoy the walks but now I am starting to really miss my lifting. I guess I feel like I have been crazy obsessed over exercise during the last 4 years or so since I lost my weight. I get extremely frightened of the possibility of ever gaining my weight back which has probably helped me to keep it off this long. Just because I am saying it has helped me doesn't mean being paranoid is a very good thing. 

I would never tell anyone this journey is easy. I continue to try to search for ways to make this journey easier for myself and others. It is very very challenging working full time at the hospital, preparing meals, and being able to make it to the gym 1-2 hours a day. Oh and managing to have a life outside of all that. I continue on my journey to manage my stress and maintain my path to a healthy life. Striving each day to be the best I can be. To some my fitness career wouldn't look like much of a success. I am not the best at any activity I have chosen even though I would consider myself good. Do you have to be the best to be a success?

Today after working 8 hours at the hospital I went grocery shopping. Determined to find a way to make preparing food easier. Ok so maybe that will never happen but sometimes we just have to suck it up. After going to about 3 stores and finally getting home it was time to cook. Yes I was already tired. I experimented with some spices that are supposed to be very good for you and decrease inflammation. I cooked my chicken for about a minute each side on the stove in some coconut oil and spiced them with rosemary, sage, garlic, pepper, salt, and thyme. If I missed anything its just an after math of the brain having enough and shutting down. I don't even know how I am typing right now. After that I put the chicken in the oven for about 35 minutes. During this time I cut my spaghetti squash in half, scrapped out the seeds and put them upside down in a microwavable dish with a little bit of water at the bottom. Cooked that in the microwave for 10-13 minutes. I already had some kale and spinach salad in the fridge and some fresh berries from the local farmers market. Topped with a little honey mustard dressing and some carrots and tomatoes. 

This looked absolutely stunning until I cut my first piece of chicken with a knife and my hand slipped pushing half my salad off my plate and onto my lap and the floor which I can say my dog was very very happy about. Me on the other hand even though not surprised had to let out a big sigh. At this point all you can do is laugh well to cover up the wanting to cry after being completely exhausted from all the work you have done all day. But in the end it all turned out ok with a little walk after dinner to calm down.

The journey continues...