It's not over till it's over

For the last year my life has been completely changed by a low back injury. After losing a lot of weight a few years ago and then becoming completely obsessed with fitness and nutrition I thought this was my new life. I dove in to becoming a competitive athlete. But one day that dream was swept out from underneath me.

Instead of long hours in the gym it turned into long hours in bed. Going from one specialist to the next my response was the same. This is your new life. You will never be an athlete again and there is nothing we can do for you. Wow, I still remember hearing those words. Yesterday I was the fittest I had ever been and the next day I could barely move and that was going to be my life.

Now a year later with moments of giving up I continue to fight and push through. Finding relief from treatments that most people don't believe in such as prolotherapy.  I keep trying to find a way because giving up isn't an option. At first my weight wasn't a problem. I lost 15 lbs of muscle and was the skinniest I have ever been. But that doesn't last forever. Yesterday knowing I have gained some weight I stepped on the scale. Weighing 154.3lb puts me 10-20 lbs above my ideal body weight right now.

I have been fighting trying to find an exercise that doesn't hurt. Lately I have given up a little thinking that this is it. There isn't anything I can do. But I know it's not true. Trying to pick myself back up again I have been dialing in my diet while currently receiving vitamin B12 and dextrose injections in my back for something called subcutaneous perineural injections. This morning with a recommendation from my new naturopathic doctor I tried a workout called Barre.  I did a 9 min upper body workout. No weights and barely moving I found my muscles burning.

http://www.fitnessblender.com/v/workout-detail/Home-Upper-Body-Workout-without-Weights-Bodyweight-Workout-for-Beginners/d3/

So far so good. The biggest part of it all is changing your thoughts on what you believe fitness looks like. Fitness for me right now is 9 min. Nothing wrong with that. Even if it was 1 min that is better then giving up. Do what you can with what you have and remember it's not over till it's over!!

"Rise and rise again until lambs become lions."

-  Robin Hood

My college scholarship essay and Acceptance into the University of Washington

As I just got my acceptance letter to the University of Washington Tacoma Campus Bachelor in Nursing Program. It is time to apply for scholarships.

Here is my story...

Ever since graduating nursing school I have known I wanted to pursue a more advanced degree, because when I do something I want to do it to the best of my ability which requires continuing to increase my knowledge to better care for others. 

During the last 9 years working as a nurse, I have traveled around gaining vast amounts of knowledge in different specialties and experience in some of the top facilities in the country. This has helped me to see the good and bad of healthcare, what is going right, and what we can improve upon. 

While in nursing school I experienced my first anxiety attack. As I entered the profession with high hopes of advancing my degree I quickly found myself overwhelmed in a very demanding field. Through the years I was at times barely able to hold my head above water and certainty not in any condition to be able to think about going back to school. I was drowning and just trying to survive.

A couple years ago I knew I had no choice but to change my life. I lost over 60lbs, I found a job in a specialty with better hours that allowed me to take care of myself, and I learned how to manage my stress. Today I am a completely different person and through my transformation I learned taking care of myself helped me to take better care of patients. My aspirations are to help other nurses do the same. To play a part in making things better in today’s ever changing fast paced world. 

This past year, I have had the experience of being a patient myself. After injuring my back last summer, I was told I was going to be in pain for the rest of my life and that there was nothing that could be done for me. My experience as a patient was devastating and I couldn't believe what it was like. Being a go getter, I don’t take no for an answer. If there isn't a way, I keep searching until I find one. During this search for relief, I found myself almost out of a job and in the most excruciating pain I have ever experienced in my life. Today I am working and more successful then I have ever been, while only experiencing minor discomfort. I not only know what its like to be a nurse and in complete burnout, but I know what its like to be a devastated patient with no hope at all. I want to use this experience to really make a difference, to really improve quality patient care, and to improve self care among healthcare workers.

Since my back injury, the amount of hours I have been able to work are very limited, forcing me to make tremendous cut backs. Financially this has been a challenge and financial hardship since my salary is greatly relied upon in my household. I have learned to do what I can with what I have and to my surprise things always turn out ok in the end. With my husband starting school in the fall, and medical bills that have accumulated during my back injury, I know my education will be a financial challenge for sure, but a very important step in my career. 

This year I was elected to be the chair of the Clinical Practice Council at Multicare Health System. It is a great honor to have such an important part in a shared governance system to allow nurses to take part in decision making. My goals this year are to assist my organization in a complete restructuring of the shared governance model and redesign of the internal nursing website. In November I will be completing a yoga teacher training program, which helps me to continue moving forward in my own life transformation and health, as well as giving me the skills to assist others in theirs. I use my physical education training to volunteer to teach classes at the hospitals to assist other healthcare workers to care for themselves as well. If we are not the example of health why will the patients feel inclined or motivated to be healthy either?  I have just been accepted to start the RN-BSN program at University of Washington and after that I will be applying for a Masters in Nursing Leadership. A great leader shows the vision and brings out the best in the ones that follow. This is what I aspire to do.

The climb is the reward

As I continue to climb this mountain called life I continue to discover how incredible it is. Right in front of our very eyes is something absolutely amazing. I continue to discover my own self and find true happiness in me and complete acceptance. As we continue to climb, we reach, we slip and we reach again. That's what it's about. And it's not about reaching the top it's definitely about the journey and about never giving up. 

"Once the soul awakens, the search begins and you can never go back. From then on, you are inflamed with a special longing that will never again let you linger in the lowlands of complacency and partial fulfillment. The eternal makes you urgent. You are loath to let compromise or the threat of danger hold you back from striving toward the summit of fulfillment."

-  John O'Donohue

Prolotherapy #3

So today was my 3rd prolotherapy injections series. Prolotherapy is a regenerative treatment which pretty much stimulates the body to heal itself. Being in the medical field I had never heard of this treatment but as a patient it has changed my life. Of course I am very sore right now because let's face it sticking a bunch of needles in your back and hip region is not very comfortable. But this shall pass in a few days and then it will be exciting to see how much progress I make this time around. Basically I run the show as far as how many treatments I get based on how I am doing and what amount of pain is an ok amount of pain to live with. So of course they are not guaranteeing no pain but a lot less with the possibility if full recovery. 

I find it amazing that stuff like this isn't used more and that not many people know about it or not some of the people that it would really help. I mean think of how many people are in this same situation where the doctors told them there was no hope and that they would be in pain forever and they didn't know any better and just believed it. What a tragedy that would be. Luckily I don't take no for an answer and something inside me said to keep searching and that this was not it for me. This was not how the story was going to end. And so now after almost losing everything I have gained everything and my journey continues. 

By the way don't my socks look pretty classy with my gown?

 

Day 2: Couch to 5k

"Wisdom is always an overmatch for strength."

-Phil Jackson 

Today I completed my 2nd day with the active couch to 5k app on my I phone. Right now the program is 3 days a week and this week it is 20 mins rotating 1 min jog and 1 1/2 min walk. 

Each time feels a little different of course I have only done 2 days but it's not causing me pain so that it a very good thing. I feel my back at times but very slightly but it's not necessarily bad just something to notice. My stride makes a huge difference of course. I have always been very heavy on my feet so I try to work on landing very light. Technique makes a huge difference and I guarantee my back will tell me if I am doing things right or not. 

“Do not let what you can not do interfere with what you can do.”

-John Wooden

My Journey Toward Recovery

"Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterward."

- Vernon Law

My Journey Toward Recovery

Seven months ago I ended up with a pretty severe back injury. This injury has given me a huge insight to what it is like to be a patient. Now I haven't had a very good experience but the best experience I have had during my journey has been the support I have received from family, friends, and co-workers. My co-workers have been there for me every step of the way. As an athlete I found out quickly that the push through mentality wasn't going to get me through this one. The only thing I believe that has gotten where I am today almost fully recovered is my determination to find a way no matter what. To find hope when there wasn't any and to have everybody by my side to pick me up when I fell down. I hit some pretty low points but I didn't let myself stay there. Dealing with chronic pain is one of the hardest things I have experienced but it has also made me stronger. My experience has not only made me a better nurse but a stronger person and my life will forever be different because of it. As a patient I realized what is really important and it isn't having all the answers. Even though that would be nice. Its about hope and it's about having someone listen. That's what changes lives. Because sometimes the circumstances themselves can't be changed but supporting each other can. I want to thank everyone that has been there for me because you have forever found a place in my heart and truly changed my life.

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

- Theodore Roosevelt

Couch to 5k Day 1

"Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterward."

- Vernon Law 

Tomorrow January 29th which is the 7 month anniversary of my back injury I will be attempting a couch to 5k with my goal race being March 29th in Birch Bay, WA. This is not a race for speed but toward recovery which means it's a very light jog with possibly some walking. 

http://www.birchbayroadrace.com/info

The key thing to note above is the word attempting. I am not too proud to stop this endeavor if my back isn't happy with it. Now I am coming back from an injury so that makes my situation and attempt a little different. 

I will be using the couch to 5k active app on my i-phone. What I liked about this app was that it encouraged you to listen to your body and if you need to rest then rest and if you need to repeat a week vs. moving forward in the plan then do that. Now of course there are times to push your body and times to listen when to back off. Your job is to distinguish the difference and not just give up because you don't feel like it or because it's hard. It's supposed to be hard. It's getting familiar with injury pain and muscle soreness and knowing the difference. 

My first day is a brisk 5 min walk. Then alternating 1 min jogging and 1 1/2 of walking for a total of 20 mins. 

The training will be 3 days a week. 

Wish me luck! :)

Hmmm...I do see a trend in all my old running pictures of me having coconut water in my hand. Yes I do have a coconut water obsession.