I pretty much covered what I was changing with my last blog post before the competition but I took what I have found doesn't work in preparation and eliminated those things. I eliminated negativity from my thoughts. I eliminated numbers. All I did was try to take deep breaths and tell myself I could do it. It was just another day of lifting. I tried to smile and take it in. When I stepped up to the bar I focused on my feet and hand placement then let my body take over. That is why the only part of the lift I remember is the beginning and the end. After placing my hands on that bar all thoughts were eliminated. I was taken somewhere else. I just tried to focus. To take myself away.....which in turn got me out of my own way. It is so true that we can be our own worst enemies. Saturday I didn't even care about the medal. I achieved victory in every possible way with myself. I feel like that happiest person alive.
I realized after this competition that I had never failed before. I was just struggling. Every time I missed a lift, every time I had a bad competition I thought I failed. You are not a failure until you give up trying. Once you come to understand that it takes so much pressure off. Now I feel so relieved. I feel like something has clicked inside physically and mentally. All my hard work is starting to pay off. I know it doesn't mean things are going to be easy from here on out because that is so not true. But a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I finally believe in myself. If I miss a lift now I just move on and try my best to fix it and get the next one. I don't feel like a failure anymore. I know I can do it.
All this time I have talked about the zone and feeling bits and pieces of it. I felt it more then ever before at this last competition. It feels like you are on drugs but you are not. So did I have to work a little to stay there? Of course. After the snatch my body ached all over. I felt exhausted. My trainer instructed me I was not there to be tired. I was there to lift. Being tired comes after the meet. So I just stared straight ahead and waited for my time to lift. I kept telling myself you can do this over and over again like I was in a trance. Something must of worked because as soon as I got out to that platform and touched that bar again it was on. It is just the most incredible thing and I almost can't even explain it fully in words. This is what changing your life is all about. My journey just keeps getting better.
Here are the two videos I have from the competition. Yes they are side ways but hey I am a weightlifter not a videographer and rotating does not seem to be coming easy. It works just as well though if you enlarge the video and turn your computer sideways or turn your head sideways and it will look perfect. The video on the top is of my last clean and jerk which was 180lbs but it just so happens there was a jerk attempt and nothing seemed to come of it. But considering that was the only thing I missed that day I couldn't be anymore pleased with myself and to be honest it seemed I didn't have too much trouble standing up with that weight except for a little elbow dropping. It didn't really matter that I missed that last jerk. The second video is of one of my jerks that was taken after I already cleaned the weight.